A brief post - a dilemma

I have a dilemma... maybe nothing major but something on my mind.
I work in a department is 97% guys. Not a problem.
There is one guy though, who is really giving me a "dilemma".
It might not be anything, but... every morning and evening, all the guys say Hi and Goodbye, I hang with them at break, everything is good. I am a fellow employee.
But then there is the one... he won't say Hi to me... even when I say Hi to him by name. He won't acknowledge me. It drives me crazy... I am wondering if it's his own "personality defect" or he is just that way. He will talk to everyone around me, but me... nope... not even a "hi".
WTF? I don't understand?
This has been in the back of my mind for over a week and I really need to let it go, but I'm curious what his issue is?
Anyone else have this situation? Any advice?

I just SOO do not fit in!

I am sitting here, just listening. I truly do not fit in!

I am kind of a hermit... well... yea... kinda.

I don't go out much, as I have little or no money for entertainment. My money goes to my son and my bills.

I don't seem to be as up on the social scene as all the others at work, but it guess it's because I have different priorities.

Sometimes having different priorities make us the odd man out, but I have a great son who I love. I trust him and he hasn't betrayed me. I have a few good friends, whom I love dearly, with all my heart. I don't have a boyfriend because the right one hasn't come around... and I am really not in a hurry right now.. I have a job, I work more than one job, I go to school.

Yes, I guess you can say that my priorities are different from those who travel (and have the money to do so) or those who go on dates, but I am happy with my decisions, although slightly frustrated some days.

I don't understand why everyone feels they need to try smoking pot either? That's another thing. I don't have any desire, never have tried it, or wanted to. When I say I don't believe in it, they look at me like I am lying. Yeah, okay, whatever... guess it's because I was raised in a household of a different generation. This is another issue that seems off.

Why can't people appreciate my own decisions?

Why do I have to be and act like everyone else?

If they don't like me now, they sure as hell won't like me then!

I guess, in a nutshell... I just don't fit in... and from my gut feelings... I probably never will!

 

One of those... Mondays

Ever had one of those days when anything you seem to do is absolutely wrong?
Someone is always trying to get you in trouble?
Someone is always second-guessing what you do (or did)?
Don't you hate it when someone always wants to be the big dog?
I have been doing this long enough that I am not stupid... and I absolutely hate it when people treat me like I have not idea what I am doing!
There is always someone who THINKS they are in charge, when they don't know jack?
Why me? What have I done to deserve this?
I guess because I don't say anything. I just quietly do my job.
I am keeping my mouth shut, but stomach hurts and I feel sick.
I am biting my tongue, but I want to speak my mind... but I am better than that. I am more mature than that. I don't go tattling when she does something... especially since I end up being told not to act like that and we all have to get along.
I feel so sick... I want to leave... I want to cry...
I hate it.

Feel miserable - What happened to privacy?

I have a good friend, whom I have been close to for most of my life.

I sent her an email because I was having a hard time with something, so I needed to talk.

It was a very (un)pleasant surprise to find out there her husband looks at the emails also.

I don't know if they have one account or if he just randomly checks them, but it bothered me. I feel like I can no longer turn to her if I need to talk because I can't email her.

I feel like my privacy has been compromised. Now I can't help but think back and wonder what else I have sent her, and if he read it? I want to say something to her, but I can't.

The reason I found out is because he emailed me back and kinda scolded me. What the hell? I was mad, I was hurt, I was beside myself. I want to say something, I want to say nothing... I am confused... and miserable. What the hell?

 

Struggling to fit in... and

This has been along week and I feel like a bull in a china shop... there is so much going on around me and it is making me spin uncontrollably. I don't know which way I am going or when all this will stop. I do know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it's one LONG f'n tunnel! I feel like I'm struggling. I am fighting to keep my head above water to keep myself from drowning. Have you ever noticed that when there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you can see it, every one of those small pot holes you used to walk over suddenly seem to be everywhere and it's getting pretty frustrating constantly having to walk over or around them. When you suddenly know the little things are not right... it makes the whole situation out of sorts. When you are in a comfort zone, nothing is too major, you live with it, do what you have to, and continue to move forward. When you make that move, everything so small is a pain and pisses me off. I don't know what way I am going anymore...

Ever Wonder?

Do you ever wonder why? I mean, do I tell people things for my health? To just hear myself talk? Does no one listen? Or is everyone just too damn good to follow direction? Why does it have to be so difficult? I guess, if the parents don't listen, why the hell should the kids? I just don't flippin' understand the whole concept of "I hear you, but I am not going to listen to you because you are not as important as me." Ya know... something has got to give!!!!!!

Too early, my brain hurts!

I tried to get on track and leave work last night, leaving myself a list of things "to do" today when I came in.

OK - OVERLOAD!!!! I am (literally) swimming in my brain. I suddenly have no idea where to start or which way to go. I have a list, yes, that is true, but from that point on, I am staring at those words on the page like they are written in alien.

Guess that making a list doesn't work. Neither does leaving things out on my desk. I walk in and have a heart murmur... I can't stand it. I am such a nutcase it's not funny!

Ok, random vent

PICTURE THIS....    Kitchen countertop, right next to the sink, dishcloth on the faucet, small garbage container at the back of the counter.

I just walked out to get a leisurely glass of sauv blanc and there are crumbs all over the counter!

This is not my first experience with shouting "how flipping hard is it to wipe the crumbs off the counter, into the sink?!"

The two of them then look at me in a speechless deer-in-the-headlights "I don't understand" response!

OMG! I'm too obsessive to leave the mess and they're too lazy to clean it up! WOW!?

It's Tuesday... it's not starting well

How do you know when you should have just stayed in bed? I had weird dreams last night. Woke up too early this morning. Found out bad news. The smile of my life is on vacation for the next week. We have a new person in the office. The one who is the newest is the one trying to train her. "trying" is the optimum word here. She only does what she wants to do and doesn't always know how to do it, but she does it anyways. I get frustrated because I am anal and borderline obsessive compulsive. If you aren't going to do it right, don't bother to do it at all. All of this is just setting me in a spin. I am going to stay in my office, with my door closed, and listen to my music. I can't deal with shit like this today. I get so tired of cleaning up other people's messes... but that is a whole different story...

Tuesday... yet another Monday...

Why does it not surprise me that today has started, as is moving, just like yesterday did?

This is such a NOT COOL way to start my week... it only means that by the end, I will be crabby, tired, bullheaded, and short-tempered.  SURPRISE!?!?

I swear, if tomorrow starts down the same road, I am crawling under the covers!!! (Yeah right, don't I wish!) Kinda hard to get work done from under my fluffy, fuzzy, soft blankets.

Wish me luck on tomorrow!

I'm tired...

All weekend has been a long weekend. I have come to the conclusion that I am tired.

Not just exhausted tired, but fed up tired, beat down tired, worn out tired, and just sick and tired.

I have worked in an office, everyday, for over 25 years (since before I graduated high school), it takes me 10 years to get a vacation, and my weekends are slept away from exhaustion.

I am burnt. I am sick of the drive to work every morning. I am sick of getting up before the sun. I am sick of scraping the frost of f my windows. I am sick of going to work to be beat down and tied to my computer and phone. I am just sick of everything.

I would love to find a place in my life, where I can work from home, enjoy my son and my animals, have money to pay the bills, live comfortably, and have time for me.

Right now, I don't, and I am really starting to hate everything. My attitude is getting tired and beaten, and I really am getting more depressed every day. Oh yeah, it just dawned on me... I forgot my meds this morning. DAMN!!!!

This is gonna be a long flippin' day and I am NOT looking forward to it!

Bad week

This whole week has been rough and rocky... just an extension of last week.

Yesterday things happened that bugged me. Hell, might as well be honest.... they literally pissed me off! The day continued on the downward spiral and I continued to bite my tongue with each arising incident. It was not going well. I was ready to tell the whole world to take a long walk off a very short pier. Then, to add insult to injury, I filled my car with $30 worth of gas to have it drop $.06 per gallon! Oh hell, might as well add that I am bloated, feel like hell... and nothing fits!

Yep, this day isn't starting any better!

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my job

I do my job and I do it well. I do not appreciate having people question me on how I do my job. If they dont think I'm doing it right then they can do it themselves. Too bad no one wants my job!!! Back off and let me do my job!

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feeling miserable

It started this afternoon, when I had a sharp pain in my stomach. The coworker down from me had a sandwich with Italian seasoning. The aroma was making me nauseous. Not cool. Then feeling bloated made me feel even worse. I feel like hell and really hate myself. What is wrong with me and why do I feel like this? Trust me, I'm not pregs... just feel like hell and hating myself...

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