anxiety

My birthday is coming up which then leads into the holiday season.
Every year, the holidays take me down. I don't seem to enjoy them. They seem to depress me. I can't find happiness. Holidays make me sad. I feel bad for my son because I get lost during these days. I get sad and grow distant. I don't look forward to them because my mood has shattered this way at least the past 5 years or so. Not sure what triggered it, but it happens! Last year we went out for my birthday and did special things, but it wasn't a big deal. I don't want people to fuss over me. It's not me.
Does anyone else suffer this way? Does anyone else feel like this?