Friends

Have you ever had a friend who was your best friend in the whole world but then there were times when you weren't sure where you stood?

It suddenly is like you don't exist. Like you are a best friend when it's convenient and they have time for you, but otherwise they don't go out of their way.

I have one friend I've known forever and we are really close. She came to visit and made time to spend time with everyone but then expected me to make the time to go to her, although she went past me two or three times. So I missed out because my schedule didn't fit in because I had to work. Part of me is sad because I didn't get to see her but part of me is upset because she could have taken a few hours to stop by and say hi.  Oh well. 

And then I have a second friend who is busy with her world but finds me when she needs something. She can't pay her bills but she can go out to eat and take her child places, and do the recreation things. Her bills include paying me back when I helped her out, but I guess I should know better. She has people buying her things and she doesn't seem to hesitate going out... With her pretty friends. I feel negative about myself as it is, but the fact that she doesn't go hang out with me, instead she does things with her "pretty & sexy" friends... And then floods social media with photos... I feel like a piece of shit.

What the hell is wrong with me? I have such a low self-esteem... And my friends seem so pretty and popular that I feel like a reject.

It is FINALLY Friday...

Well, it has definitely been a long week.

My son left on Sunday for a Mission Trip with 14 other kids... and three adults... in 3 cars.... driving 2.5 hours... in 90-degree weather.

From what I am hearing... the kids are kinda cranky because the heat is hot and there is no breeze.

He comes home tonight and I am happy. I have totally missed him.

This week has gone so slow.

Mentally I am burnt out... physically... I am too....

TGIF!! 

Sunday evening.... quiet house

Okay, I got my son off on the mission trip.

One mom who was there was great... She explained that its okay to feel the separation anxiety. I miss him... And he has only been gone less than 6 hrs since the caravan of 3 cars pulled from the church parking lot.

I watched him and the 14 other kids head south. I got in the car and came home. Yes, I shed tears...

I got home and went to the gym... Which was also odd, since we always went together. I pounded it for an hour and then came home and took a nap. I feel like I'm missing my best friend.

My mom is 80... And doesn't always think about what she says. Tonight it was a comment about it being the same as always because he is always in his room... And then the comment about the refrigerator door staying closed... And then about him possibly losing weight.

I walked away. This talk is not unusual, but it flashed me back to my youth when she did the same to me, but I will protect my child.

Anyway, I have his stuffed animal on my bed so he is in my dreams tonight.

It's going to be a long 5 more days.

Good night my friends....

Was thinking about missing you

I know you will be gone and I wanted to believe I would miss you, but right now I am having second thoughts. As much as I want to miss you, I don't. You have really kind of treated me like shit recently and I feel like I have been kicked to the curb. Yep, it's true. You only care about me and worry about me when you need something, or think here is something wrong with me. I get so pissed at how you act sometimes. I want to tell you to grow up, but I guess that isn't gonna happen. It hasn't yet, why should it start now?

you

I want to hold your hand and feel the warmth of your skin against mine. I love the smell of your skin. I miss the feeling of you holding me close and your arms around me.

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