Confessions

My confessions...
I am 43.
I still sleep with my build-a-bear teddy bear I made 10 years ago.
I will forgive but probably not forget.
I can't sit still.
I am truly a dork!!!! But my best friends love me anyway! :)
But that's just me........

Be Enough Me: Secretly Loving the Scars

Be Enough Me: Secretly Loving the Scars

I have scars... some are hidden, some are obvious... some are just barely there... and some are cut so deep they are constant reminders.

I'm sure we all have them. Some of us hide them better than others. Some of us can't get past the pain. Some of us even have learned to put them in the past.

Every day of my life... I look in the mirror and see the scars that have been left behind.


 

Just.Be.Enough

I am a mom, I am a woman, I am a daughter, I am a friend, I am an employee, I am a business woman, I am a sister, and I am me.

That pretty much sums it up.

I am a single mom who loves my teenage son. He makes me think and keeps me in check. He challenges my sanity and pushes my patience, but I love him. He is my best friend, but can be my worst enemy some days.

I am a woman who loves to dress up, yet I love sweats and t-shirts. I want to find happiness, but it is not at the top of my list. I have trusted and been hurt. I have loved and lost. I want to be loved for who I am and what I can do, but that will come when the time is right.

I am a daughter. My dad passed away almost 20 years ago and I still miss him every day. I was his only child, the baby of the family, and the only girl. I was definitely daddy's girl. I knew mom would say No, so I always asked dad. My mom has two other children, my brothers, who are considerably older than me. I have also lost one of those brothers, roughly 3 years ago, to a sudden downturn in his health, and he left our lives in ten days. My brothers have families, so I was the only one home with mom and dad. To this day, we live with my mom and I help her. She is getting up in years and not always in the best health. I try to take care of her and look after her. My brother, on the other hand, can't seem to find time to check in, even since he lives less than fifteen minutes away. Anyways... that's another story.

I am a friend. I have a few really good friends who I am really close to, but I also have other friends that I keep in touch with. I don't have friends that I necessarily go out with, but I do have a couple I hang with, just having girls days and relaxing.

I am an employee. I work full-time and give my all during my day. I have made the commitment to work hard and do what I need to do. I enjoy working. I also work part-time, at a local wine bar. I love the people and learning new things. It's the fun in my chores.

I am a business woman. I recently started as a consultant for Tastefully Simple. The people are great and I get to get out. I love the food and the products, and I hope to some day be able to take my son to Disney, just the two of us... a REAL vacation. (what a concept).

I am a sister. As I mentioned earlier, I have two older brothers and have always been the baby of the family. They used to accept me because I was there, but since I have grown up, worked, gotten married, had a child, lived through divorce, been laid off, and all the other hiccup in my life, they seem to finally see me like a person, another individual who is strong and can stand tall. I have a best friend that I have known for over 35 years and we have always been apart. She is like my sister and I love her to death. 

I am me. I am who I am, not what others want me to be. I don't dress in the latest fashions or go out to the fanciest restaurants. I don't go out all the time and I don't sit on the phone with friends. I work hard, I go to school, I raise my son, I take care of my mom, I work hard, I commit to church, I do what I can, and try not to let anyone down. I am me... for me...


 

I just SOO do not fit in!

I am sitting here, just listening. I truly do not fit in!

I am kind of a hermit... well... yea... kinda.

I don't go out much, as I have little or no money for entertainment. My money goes to my son and my bills.

I don't seem to be as up on the social scene as all the others at work, but it guess it's because I have different priorities.

Sometimes having different priorities make us the odd man out, but I have a great son who I love. I trust him and he hasn't betrayed me. I have a few good friends, whom I love dearly, with all my heart. I don't have a boyfriend because the right one hasn't come around... and I am really not in a hurry right now.. I have a job, I work more than one job, I go to school.

Yes, I guess you can say that my priorities are different from those who travel (and have the money to do so) or those who go on dates, but I am happy with my decisions, although slightly frustrated some days.

I don't understand why everyone feels they need to try smoking pot either? That's another thing. I don't have any desire, never have tried it, or wanted to. When I say I don't believe in it, they look at me like I am lying. Yeah, okay, whatever... guess it's because I was raised in a household of a different generation. This is another issue that seems off.

Why can't people appreciate my own decisions?

Why do I have to be and act like everyone else?

If they don't like me now, they sure as hell won't like me then!

I guess, in a nutshell... I just don't fit in... and from my gut feelings... I probably never will!

 

Taking Risks in Writing

Tell us, what sorts of risks are you afraid of taking in your writing? How can we help you move past those fears?

I have to admit that I probably take more risks in my writing than I do in my daily life.

My writing is an outlet. A way to express who I am and what I am about.

I am a mom, a sister, a daughter, a college student, an employee, a friend, but the one thing I tend to forget is that I am also a woman. (That is so weird to say... I am more of a tomboy, so I don't ever refer to myself as a woman... or beautiful... or pretty... or sexy...)

When you grow and live like a tomboy, that seems to be your mindset from day to day.

I love to dress up and be lady-like, but I will knock you to the floor if you get in my space!

Anyway... back to the topic at hand.

I do enjoy writing and, when I write, I can be who I want to be and do what I want to do, but... there is a catch... as there always is... I don't let others read my writing. Others do not know that I write... or even what I write. It's like that is a personal side of me, where I am vulnerable.

My biggest fear is letting others read my writing. Will they think I'm strange? Will they look at me different? Will my writing freak them out?

Unless I open that door and let them read that chapter, I guess I will never know for sure...

 

Monday Listicles 7/16/12

10 THANKS

1. Thanks to my followers, without whom my blogs would not be possible.

2. Thanks to my BFF who thinks that I am truly NOT crazy, but I wonder her stability too...

3. Thanks to my son, who makes me constantly wonder what he is truly thinking and how his mind works.

4. Thanks to my cats, for making me stop and relax, even if it means laying across me, in front of my ipad or between me and the tv.

5. Thanks to my mom who, as she is getting older, makes me appreciate who I am.

6. Thanks to those in my church, who pray for me and keep me grounded when things get rough.

7. Thanks to those at work, who I am able to confide in and know what I am truly capable of.

8. Thanks to my good friends who appreciate me, no matter what.

9. Thanks to my ex, who makes me understand what I DON'T want in a relationship!

10. Thanks to my family, who makes me realize that I am not a created nut-case... it is truly inherited!

I am a morning person... I'm sorry

Yes, I am a morning person... maybe some times TOO MUCH of a morning person.

I leave the house at least an hour before I have to start work, so I have my own time. I am a morning person, but I also like my "quiet time". I sing in the car, stop and get a soda, go through the car wash, or take the long way to work (mind you, there is only so much you can do in a 15-minute drive).

I work with many who ARE NOT morning people... which explains why I get the early shift... which is fine with me. 

My boss is one of those "not morning people" and he basically has forbid me from coffee and energy drinks at work because he feels that I am already "too full of energy". Okay, fine... I can live with that. (I guess that also keeps me from really getting wound up when someone pisses me off!)  If I'm "un-caffenated", I tend to remain calm, keep quiet, and go about my business, but if I'm on caffeine or energy drinks... and someone rubs the wrong way... watch out... I am ready to go!

The funny thing is... when I am quiet or just keep to myself, suddenly something is wrong. 

Damned if I do, damned if I don't... I'm sure you know that old saying.

I get up and want to get moving right away. My brain doesn't shut off, so my body feels as though I am running non-stop... places to go, things to do, things to start, things to finish, people to help, people to please... yadda yadda yadda.

So, mix my morning personality, with my obsessive-compulsive tendencies, along with my willingness to over-extend myself... and what do you get... ME!

things I can do...

Laying here in bed. Mind is cranking randomly.

What have I done? What can I do?

Here it goes...

Acrylic nails

Homemade candles and soap

Beading, I.e. wine charms, jewelry, etc.

Cooking/baking

Rubber stamping projects

Plants=green thumb

Poetry

Writing

Photography

Blogging...

Blog Dare Bloggy Moms May 8, 2012

Bloggy Moms Blog Dare Writing Prompt

Tuesday May 8, 2012

I'm a __________ mom/wife/sister/friend...

I'm a single mom, raising one teenage boy. He is my life, he is my world, he is my best friend.

I am an ex-wife who decided that bailing her husband out of jail what not what I was working hard every day for.

I am a little sister, with 2 older brothers, who still refer to me as "what's her face" some days.

I am a close friend to my pal Coco. Her and I can be no more opposite than we are, but our friendship is strong and she rocks!  We keep each other afloat, and we have each others backs. I love her with all my heart.

I am woman... hear me roar!!

Monday Quiz About Me

And now for this weeks Questions:

1. Finish this sentence - I am glad it's Monday because... it has been a long weekend...

2. Where did you spend your last vacation? Phoenix, AZ

3. Who is your favorite author? An A. N. Roquelaure

4. What other Memes do you participate in during the week? Meet me on Monday, Monday Listicles, Follow Me Friday, Five Question Friday... it all depends how my week is going.

And don't forget to add a 5th Question on your own blog so we can answer as we hop around!

5. How did you relax this weekend?

Mini Van Mom

I participated in the Listicles yesterday and it is AMAZING how many of you commented on my "I will never drive a MiniVan".

Okay, so, it's not that I am too cool for minivans... trust me - that is NOT it. I am NOT graceful, cool, hip, or any of those words the kids DON'T use to describe their moms.

I grew up with a dad who drove a station wagon... the biggest one you could buy. Looked like a cross between a Sherman Tank and a Mack Truck! The man was only 5'4" or so. He could barely see over the steering wheel and reach the pedals, let alone see over the end of the hood!

I swore I would never be one of those parents. When I was pregnant, my brother would tease me because I drove a Mazda MX-3 hatchback. He would laugh and say "yep, that's a family car!" Okay, so I did progress to 4-four cars... but only for a while. I am back to my little sporty car.

I have seen my son drive on video games and I know how we rides an electric scooter... he is SOOOO not getting his drivers license until he's at least 30, at this rate...

I am far from being too cool for a minivan, but I don't want to have any excuse to be the one to haul everything and everyone around when they need a big vehicle. You can only put so much and so many into a Scion!!!!!!!

See, I have thought about this....

Too early, my brain hurts!

I tried to get on track and leave work last night, leaving myself a list of things "to do" today when I came in.

OK - OVERLOAD!!!! I am (literally) swimming in my brain. I suddenly have no idea where to start or which way to go. I have a list, yes, that is true, but from that point on, I am staring at those words on the page like they are written in alien.

Guess that making a list doesn't work. Neither does leaving things out on my desk. I walk in and have a heart murmur... I can't stand it. I am such a nutcase it's not funny!

Non-stop and not-understanding

I have been busy. I work a full time job (45+ hours/wk). I also am going back for my B.A. in Business and raising a teenage son. I do not get help from my ex, he doesn't support us, and since we haven't seen him in over 6 years, he could be dead (he had drug issues, alcohol problems, gambling debts, and enemies). Amidst everything else, I teach Sunday school, work a part-time job, serve on church council, etc. I have been running solid for 4 days, along with new anxiety/antidepressants since I don't feel like myself.  Hmmm, gee, I wonder why? (Insert sarcasm). Anywayyyyyyyyy.... my mom figures I am going to come home, eat dinner, and then help her randomly dig thru boxes that have been in our basement for more years then I care to admit. Nope, sorry, not tonight, no way.... you have been home all day, on the couch, watching TV. I've been working. I put my pj's on and I'm watching TV. End of story!!!!!

The holidays are over *kinda*

Christmas is over... I hope the food is done... my days off are over... this year is almost over...
I cannot believe 2011 is just a week from being over. Wow... time went by so fast.
I don't care if we eat dinner tonight... we have been eating for 2 days... enough is enough.
I go back to work tomorrow... although I haven't gotten out of my pajamas at all today... it's been comfy.
We did not have a white Christmas... in fact, it was green and in the 40's. Yeah, well, that's life.
The good thing is that I got to work on my blogs...
Hope everyone had a great holiday.

22 things I have never done…

Okay, so I am almost 42... which makes some of these seem really off the wall, but hey... that's just me...

 

1. Been to Disney (either one)

2. Hosted a dinner party

3. Bought an expensive bottle of Champagne

4. Owned a hamster

5. Rode in a helicopter

6. Been to New York

7. Been out of the country

8. Held a python… oh wait, yes I have…

9. Broke an arm or leg

10. Had any organs surgically-removed

11. Learned how to hard-boil eggs

12. Fell in love with a high-school sweetheart

13. Went to my high school prom

14. Bought an expensive party dress

15. Been through a haunted house

16. Gone down a huge waterslide

17. Been to Texas

18. Taken more than 15 minutes for myself, at any time

19. Sang karaoke

20. Been to Vegas

21. Been on a cruise

22. Been on a romantic getaway

Meet Me on Monday - 53rd Edition

Never Growing Old Meet Me On Monday

1. The thing that scares me the most is __________?

Walking across bridges over water or high up. Definitely scared to death of heights like that.

2. Do you like nuts in your Chocolate Chip cookies?

Nope, ooooey gooey chocolate chips, not crunchy or nutty.

3. If you couldn't change the channel, what tv show would drive you from the room?

Any news or talk show. Just can’t deal with it.

4. Pulp or no pulp in your Orange Juice?

Gotta have pulp… especially the ones with LOTS of pulp!

5. Who do you miss the most?

This is a hard one. I can’t narrow it down to just one person.