I just SOO do not fit in!

I am sitting here, just listening. I truly do not fit in!

I am kind of a hermit... well... yea... kinda.

I don't go out much, as I have little or no money for entertainment. My money goes to my son and my bills.

I don't seem to be as up on the social scene as all the others at work, but it guess it's because I have different priorities.

Sometimes having different priorities make us the odd man out, but I have a great son who I love. I trust him and he hasn't betrayed me. I have a few good friends, whom I love dearly, with all my heart. I don't have a boyfriend because the right one hasn't come around... and I am really not in a hurry right now.. I have a job, I work more than one job, I go to school.

Yes, I guess you can say that my priorities are different from those who travel (and have the money to do so) or those who go on dates, but I am happy with my decisions, although slightly frustrated some days.

I don't understand why everyone feels they need to try smoking pot either? That's another thing. I don't have any desire, never have tried it, or wanted to. When I say I don't believe in it, they look at me like I am lying. Yeah, okay, whatever... guess it's because I was raised in a household of a different generation. This is another issue that seems off.

Why can't people appreciate my own decisions?

Why do I have to be and act like everyone else?

If they don't like me now, they sure as hell won't like me then!

I guess, in a nutshell... I just don't fit in... and from my gut feelings... I probably never will!

 

Taking Risks in Writing

Tell us, what sorts of risks are you afraid of taking in your writing? How can we help you move past those fears?

I have to admit that I probably take more risks in my writing than I do in my daily life.

My writing is an outlet. A way to express who I am and what I am about.

I am a mom, a sister, a daughter, a college student, an employee, a friend, but the one thing I tend to forget is that I am also a woman. (That is so weird to say... I am more of a tomboy, so I don't ever refer to myself as a woman... or beautiful... or pretty... or sexy...)

When you grow and live like a tomboy, that seems to be your mindset from day to day.

I love to dress up and be lady-like, but I will knock you to the floor if you get in my space!

Anyway... back to the topic at hand.

I do enjoy writing and, when I write, I can be who I want to be and do what I want to do, but... there is a catch... as there always is... I don't let others read my writing. Others do not know that I write... or even what I write. It's like that is a personal side of me, where I am vulnerable.

My biggest fear is letting others read my writing. Will they think I'm strange? Will they look at me different? Will my writing freak them out?

Unless I open that door and let them read that chapter, I guess I will never know for sure...

 

HELP! My cape is stuck in the door!!!!

Super Mom? Maybe...

Leap tall buildings? I can try...

Fly at the speed of light? Only if my child is in trouble...

Super strength? When I need to defend...

The last two weeks have tried every super power I may (or may not) have...

My son went on his first mission trip and I went through child-withdrawl. The cat did not like him being gone, so I had to contend with his cranky, mouthiness while his "brother" was gone... to Chicago... in 100+ temps. My mom suffered a small stroke the end of that week, but being bull-headed, I couldn't budge her. My son got home Friday... mom went to the hospital Saturday (finally) after I had to resort to being "not so nice"... Sunday, I had to work at church and then we had to serve meals to those less fortunate... plus I still had my full-time job, my son at home, my mom in the hospital, and school work to do... not to mention sleeping and eating... (oh wait... sleep and food are optional... right?)

So, this past Friday, we all came back together. My son is home (and he has FINALLY unpacked the duffle bag from his trip... although I took the damp, stanky stuff out as soon as he walked in the door). My mom is home... now placed happily on her couch, with the old lady kitty, and her tv remote. I am getting caught up with school, but I can't get my cape unstuck!

HELP! My cape is STILL stuck in the door!!!!!

 

Monday Listicles 7/16/12

10 THANKS

1. Thanks to my followers, without whom my blogs would not be possible.

2. Thanks to my BFF who thinks that I am truly NOT crazy, but I wonder her stability too...

3. Thanks to my son, who makes me constantly wonder what he is truly thinking and how his mind works.

4. Thanks to my cats, for making me stop and relax, even if it means laying across me, in front of my ipad or between me and the tv.

5. Thanks to my mom who, as she is getting older, makes me appreciate who I am.

6. Thanks to those in my church, who pray for me and keep me grounded when things get rough.

7. Thanks to those at work, who I am able to confide in and know what I am truly capable of.

8. Thanks to my good friends who appreciate me, no matter what.

9. Thanks to my ex, who makes me understand what I DON'T want in a relationship!

10. Thanks to my family, who makes me realize that I am not a created nut-case... it is truly inherited!

Feeling Beachie 07/13/12

  

This week’s statements:

1. My day always starts by _feeding the cats and the fish_
2. I prefer _cold pizza_ to _normal breakfast_
3. I never thought I’d _get married_ until I _actually did_
4.  I wish I could _just get away from the world_ for _even one day_.

It is FINALLY Friday...

Well, it has definitely been a long week.

My son left on Sunday for a Mission Trip with 14 other kids... and three adults... in 3 cars.... driving 2.5 hours... in 90-degree weather.

From what I am hearing... the kids are kinda cranky because the heat is hot and there is no breeze.

He comes home tonight and I am happy. I have totally missed him.

This week has gone so slow.

Mentally I am burnt out... physically... I am too....

TGIF!! 

Sunday evening.... quiet house

Okay, I got my son off on the mission trip.

One mom who was there was great... She explained that its okay to feel the separation anxiety. I miss him... And he has only been gone less than 6 hrs since the caravan of 3 cars pulled from the church parking lot.

I watched him and the 14 other kids head south. I got in the car and came home. Yes, I shed tears...

I got home and went to the gym... Which was also odd, since we always went together. I pounded it for an hour and then came home and took a nap. I feel like I'm missing my best friend.

My mom is 80... And doesn't always think about what she says. Tonight it was a comment about it being the same as always because he is always in his room... And then the comment about the refrigerator door staying closed... And then about him possibly losing weight.

I walked away. This talk is not unusual, but it flashed me back to my youth when she did the same to me, but I will protect my child.

Anyway, I have his stuffed animal on my bed so he is in my dreams tonight.

It's going to be a long 5 more days.

Good night my friends....

Today... it might be tough

Today is a new day. It's been a long week and there is so much things happening. But those things are not what is going to make today tough...

My son will be 15 this summer. We have been a two-person family since his dad walked out of his life approximately 8 years ago, so we have each other and that is how it's been all these years.

Anyway... this afternoon he leaves for a church mission trip. The kids leave today and won't be home until next weekend. I am excited... he is excited, but what has been in my mind... was said out loud by him...

Last night at dinner, he looked up at me and said "this will be the longest we have been apart". He did have those same thoughts. Until today, we have never been apart more than 1 or 2 nights. This is going to be so much more. I know he will be in safe hands and he will be having a good time... it's just that initial shock of having my buddy and companion gone for a whole week.

I am prepared (kinda), but I am still a mom.